A Guide to Family Movie Night
Or there would be, if those little brats didn't hate them so much. I pull out a tape and they wonder what they're being punished for. There is some whining and eye-rolling and muttering about "Blockbuster" and "cheapskates." I tell you, those kids wouldn't know quality entertainment if you duct-taped them to the couch, propped open their eyelids with toothpicks and forced them at knifepoint to watch it. Which I never have. (Hi, DCFS! Love ya!)
80's Movies I Love But My Kids Do Not
I Say: A classic! Baby's relationship with her dad is touching and real; Patrick Swayze is saucy. Infinitely quotable.
My Kids Say: They dance funny.
They'd Rather Watch: Some crap with Hillary Duff, or Finding Nemo
I Say: Action! Adventure! Val Kilmer when he was still hot!
My Kids Say: If I wanted midgets I'd watch The Wizard of Oz.
They'd Rather Watch: Paint dry
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
I Say: The best day of hooky in film history.
My Kids Say: Hey, look, it's Chicago! Can we go to bed now?
They'd Rather Watch: Malcolm in the Middle
The Gods Must Be Crazy
I Say: A hilarious yet scathing commentary on society's disregard for natural resources and indigenous cultures.
They Say: Whuh?
They'd Rather Watch: Survivor
I Say: John Candy = pure comic genius
They Say: Is that the fat guy from Tommy Boy?
They'd Rather Watch: Anything with Adam Sandler
I Say: Young Tom Cruise! In a loincloth! Plus, unicorns.
They Say: OH MY GOD THAT DEVIL IS THE SCARIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY
They'd Rather Watch: Jerry Maguire
The Money Pit
I Say: One of my all time favorites. Every scene is hysterical.
They Say: Oh boy, two people fixing up a house. How thrilling. Not.
They'd Rather Watch: Extreme Home Makeover with Ty Pennington
I Say: Mana turee calla bee santee! Lucy! Gooooooldo, win ja!
They Say: Jesus, Mom, is this woman in every movie ever made?
They'd Rather Watch: Dawn of the Dead
Ernest Goes to Camp
I Say: Wow. This movie was a lot better when I was a kid.
They Say: This is the most retarded movie ever.
I Say: Seriously, I can't believe we used to love it so much.
They Say: Maybe you were retarded.
I Say: Shut up and help me find the remote.
[NOTE: Movies that successfully cross the generation gap include Ghost, Ghostbusters, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Big, The Goonies, Back to the Future, Splash, Indiana Jones, The Princess Bride, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Shut up. That movie is GREAT.]
I need the 100 pack of these stickers, pronto. My neighbors must be taught a lesson.
(link via Gapers Block)
The Big Smoke Out Continues
Good: 9+ days without a cigarette
Bad: Still no sports car