The Lockdown Vacation Package
Are you floating through life with no clear purpose or mission, adrift in a fog of alcohol, parties and paparazzi? Do you have no real job, no real skills, and a limited range of facial expressions? Then a Lockdown vacation is the perfect chance to mature, grow, and become the role model for overprivileged children you know you can be.
This all-expenses-paid trip is designed to develop strength, responsibilty, and a tolerance for small enclosed spaces. Accomodations are spartan and secluded, leaving you with plenty of time for solitary reflection. Scheduled activities include: Counting Ceiling Tiles, Looking at Picture Bible, Retrieving Fallen Soap With Feet, and Making Friends Through Vents. In the arts and crafts area you can learn to carve a shiv, or turn Skittles into eyeshadow! Skills you'll take through life!
After just 23 days, you'll emerge with a fresh perspective, a renewed dedication to the betterment of humankind, and a deep appreciation for quality hair extensions. And don't forget about those souvenir photos!
Space is limited so book your trip today! Call 1-888-THE CLINK now - officers are standing by!