My Three Psychos
Chicago is a big city full of many eccentric, interesting people. Sometimes you get so used to seeing and hearing weird things that you pretty much become immune to it. And sometimes you couldn't block out the weirdness if you tried.
Here are three things that happened to me today:
Jesus Saves
At many of the city's busier intersections, men walk up and down between lanes of cars selling cold bottles of water, usually for $1. This afternoon I was waiting for a light to change when one of these guys made a beeline for my car. I started to tell him that I didn't have any money, but he waved me off, saying, "No, no, this is free." He pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and slipped it into my hand. "It's never too late to accept Jesus into your heart," he said. I was confused. Did I look like a heathen? Or worse - did I look OLD? Then I glanced down at the paper.
Oh. I look like a druggie. Super!
World's Worst Friend
Cell conversation overheard on the L: "I told her, Look, I know this is your first baby and everything, but seriously: SHUT THE FUCK UP." This girl then spent the rest of the ride describing a skirt she saw at TJ MAXX.
Scooter Rage
I'm waiting for my turn at a stop sign on Damen when I notice a motorscooter pulling up hell-for-leather behind me. In the rearview mirror I can see that he is shouting something, but it's impossible to make out the words. Until he pulls around to my passenger side. Leaning into the open window he screams, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU COCKSUCKER!" very nearly causing me to pee myself. While I try to figure out if I accidentally cut him off or something, he moves up to the next car. "MOVE YOUR CANDY ASS, YA FUCKIN TURD!" he yells at the poor girl inside. He pulls up to the truck ahead of her. "DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN HEAR ME BITCH!" Then he gives us all the finger and speeds away. As fast as a scooter will speed, anyway.
Honorable Weirdo Mention: the man changing his pants in front of god and everyone at the bus stop yesterday morning. Nice boxers!
Here are three things that happened to me today:
Jesus Saves
At many of the city's busier intersections, men walk up and down between lanes of cars selling cold bottles of water, usually for $1. This afternoon I was waiting for a light to change when one of these guys made a beeline for my car. I started to tell him that I didn't have any money, but he waved me off, saying, "No, no, this is free." He pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and slipped it into my hand. "It's never too late to accept Jesus into your heart," he said. I was confused. Did I look like a heathen? Or worse - did I look OLD? Then I glanced down at the paper.
Oh. I look like a druggie. Super!
World's Worst Friend
Cell conversation overheard on the L: "I told her, Look, I know this is your first baby and everything, but seriously: SHUT THE FUCK UP." This girl then spent the rest of the ride describing a skirt she saw at TJ MAXX.
Scooter Rage
I'm waiting for my turn at a stop sign on Damen when I notice a motorscooter pulling up hell-for-leather behind me. In the rearview mirror I can see that he is shouting something, but it's impossible to make out the words. Until he pulls around to my passenger side. Leaning into the open window he screams, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU COCKSUCKER!" very nearly causing me to pee myself. While I try to figure out if I accidentally cut him off or something, he moves up to the next car. "MOVE YOUR CANDY ASS, YA FUCKIN TURD!" he yells at the poor girl inside. He pulls up to the truck ahead of her. "DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN HEAR ME BITCH!" Then he gives us all the finger and speeds away. As fast as a scooter will speed, anyway.
Honorable Weirdo Mention: the man changing his pants in front of god and everyone at the bus stop yesterday morning. Nice boxers!
Tequila Red called it a day @ 4:04 PM
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