The Disbeliever

SFX: Telephone ring
GIRL: Hello, Enterprise!
TEQUILA RED: Hello. Last week my office rented a car from you guys, and there was a bunch of stuff in the trunk. It accidentally got unloaded with all our stuff, so I was wondering if anyone's reported it missing.
GIRL: What was it?
TR: Two sombreros and a set of water buffalo horns.
GIRL: ...
TR: No, really.
GIRL: ...
TR: No, seriously. Two sombreros and a set of water buffalo horns. Has anyone reported them missing?
GIRL: I don't think so, no.
TR: Well if someone calls looking for them, will you let me know?
GIRL: Um, sure. Thanksforcallingbye.
TR: But I didn't give you my numb--
*click*

Well, I tried.

Second City or Sissy City?
Things Chicago alderman have banned recently or are considering banning:

Pit bulls
Smoking
Noise
Foie gras
Cell phones
Wal-Mart
Trans fat

Still in effect:

Nepotism
Scandal
Greed

I love it when politicians are thoughtful enough to protect me from myself.

Does He Respond to "Foghorn"?

FOUND: tame Rooster

Reply to: comm-186305553@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-07-25, 9:10PM CDT

Tame rooster has been hanging around our house. If it's yours please contact us.

She Cleans Up Real Nice
My friendly local homeless man appreciates it when I wear high heels. "Dang, girl," he said yesterday. "You growing up to be quite the little lady!"

Yes, I'm 31.