The Ferrari: Going, Going, Gone

We met two years ago. He was just coming out of a 6 year relationship and spent the first two months we dated trying to decide if he wanted her back. Turns out, he did, but she was having none of it. That should have sent me screaming for the hills, I know, but there was something about him that made it impossible for me to walk away. It wasn't just the unfreakingbelievable crazy chemistry, either. Mostly, it was the fact that he doesn't think like anyone I've ever met. Every time I'm with him, I can't wait to see what he's going to say next. He's brilliant and funny and charming, and only occasionally an enormous asshat.

For the next year and a half, it was off-again-on-again with us. He wasn't ready to jump into a relationship again, which was fine by me. I was fresh off a divorce myself, and not eager to get tied down to one person. But then I did a really stupid thing: I fell in love with him. We still kept it casual, though, and it worked for a while. But inevitably he'd do something shitty, like yammer on about whatever nasty hooch he was also seeing, or break up with me at my birthday party. I'd be pissed for a couple months, we'd pick up where we'd left off. Big fun in Dysfunction Junction.

This spring, it finally crashed and burned for good when he let slip that me I wasn't "intellectual" enough to hang out with his "intellectual" friends. Now, I'll tolerate a lot of stuff. Insult my mother, tell me my ass is getting fat, but never EVER tell me I'm not smart. Asshole. He insisted he didn't mean it that way, but I broke up with him again, and this time it stuck.

Fast forward six months to last night. I decided I needed to see him before his big move to LA in 3 weeks. There were still things that needed to be said.

We stayed up late into the night talking. Reminiscing, apologizing, rediscovering why we fell for each other in the first place. I looked at him and knew that I loved him, but that I'd also be okay when he was gone. That I was finally ready to move on. And I realized that, despite everything, this man is somehow still one of my favorite people in the world. I'm glad he came into my life. He taught me so much about myself, including what I want, what I deserve, and what I should never put up with. I love him. I'm glad he's going. I will miss him greatly.


Best moment of the night:

We were walking around the neighborhood; I was barefoot because those goddamn high heels were the worst idea ever. When we came to an alley that was all gravelly and broken-glassy, he scooped me right up in his arms and carried me across without a word. It was so Lloyd Dobbler - you know, escorting Ione Skye around the broken glass in the 7-11 parking lot. God, I'm a sucker for chivalry.


There's only one song today:

Tori Amos covers The Cure