Nice try, fools

LONDON, England (AP) -- The 1970s and '80s rock band Queen is planning a tour next year with guitarist and vocalist Paul Rodgers replacing legendary frontman Freddie Mercury, who died of AIDS in 1991.

My senior year of high school, I had this boyfriend. Larry was his name, and he was the second of many Larrys I would inexplicably date over the years. But this Larry - Larry #2 - was special. Sure, he lived with his mom. And no, he wasn't all that bright. But he wasn't my boss (Larry #1) and he wasn't gay (Larry #3), so he gets the edge. Plus, the boy took me on what is still one of the best dates I've ever had. A moonlight picnic in the middle of this little meadow, wisps of mist twining through the pine trees around us, a ceiling of stars overhead. It was our first date, and we talked and laughed and kissed and slow danced, and Queen was the soundtrack to it all.

At the end of the summer I said goodbye to Larry #2 and left for the Army, and Freddie Mercury came with me. All the way to basic training, I blasted "Headlong" on my discman, over and over, scared to death of what the hell I'd done and what the hell might be waiting for me in South Carolina. On the first day, our Drill Sergeants ordered us to hand over any contraband, but I hid the CD player and Queen's Greatest Hits Volume One deep inside a shirt instead. Every night after lights out, I'd slip it down from the hiding place in the ceiling tiles and let the sound of Freddie Mercury's voice drown out whatever aches, pains, and humiliations I'd suffered during the day. (BTW - the Drill Sergeants called me "Cinderella," if that gives you any idea.)

Anyhoodle. As far as this new band goes? Maybe it will be good, maybe it will suck, but I'll tell you something: it ain't never gonna be Queen.

"Under Pressure"
"A Kind of Magic"
"Headlong"
"One Year of Love"