Move It

Say you are on a crowded train, with an extremely heavy bag resting on the floor between your feet (so as to kindly NOT whack your fellow passengers), just listening to your pod and generally minding your own business. Say a very crabby and somewhat fatish woman attempts to exit the train in your vicinity. And just for fun, say that as she squeezes through throngs of commuters wearing giant parkas and bulky backpacks she chooses to single YOU out for a little verbal abuse, screeching "Step off the train, YOUR HIGHNESS!" even though you are not even close to the door, much less blocking it. What would be the proper response?

A) Invite her to step in front of the Red Line.
B) Tell her you really prefer "Your Majesty."
C) Smile sweetly, point to your headphones and shake your head.
D) Smile sweetly and shoot her the bird.
E) Shoot her.

Being caught completely off guard, I did nothing except look bewildered and spend the rest of my commute inventing snappy retorts inside my head. The next time someone calls me "Your Highness" on the train, they're unloading a high heap of hell, by golly.

* * * * *

WANTED: place to send son for several hours on February 4.

Please advise.