Read All About It

The long weekend, in brief. Ironic, no?

Little Pitchers, Big Ears
Toddler somehow learns phrase "Ow, my balls"; Aunt whistles, kicks pebble, looks at sky

Godzilla-Size Turd Visible Through Diaper, Pants
Uterus shudders, crosses legs

Girls Really Sick of NASCAR & All-Star Basketball Crap
Boys forced to watch Ellen and the Food Network

BREAKING NEWS: Laundry Banditos Strike Again!
Mentally-challenged neighbors now washing clothes immediately upon removal


1 outfit = 1 load in Moronville

Cat Too Fat to Be Declawed
Craigslist ad under development

Project Runway Designer Less Appealing After Re-Spelling Name

TRAVEL
Dude Ranch Vacation Considered
City Slickers added to Netflix queue

Kalamazoo Denny's Named Worst Restaurant in Three States
Waitstaff shrugs, goes into kitchen to smoke cigarette, never returns