Michigan Guy Brings the Crazy

Last night's phone conversation was seventeen kinds of wrong:

TEQUILA RED: This really isn't working for me anymore.

MICHIGAN GUY: What isn't?

TEQUILA RED: This ... whatever it is. This dating thing. I mean, we're not even in the same state.

MICHIGAN GUY: But I'm moving there! You know, at some point.

TEQUILA RED: Yeah, but even if you lived here … I just don't think so.

MICHIGAN GUY: What if you could date other people until I get there?

TEQUILA RED: I am dating other people. I'm just not actually dating you.

MICHIGAN GUY: Then I can date other people too! I slept with my ex-girlfriend, by the way.

TEQUILA RED: Whatever. Listen, what I'm trying to say is, this whole thing is over.

MICHIGAN GUY: Wait. You want to break up?

TEQUILA RED: YES.

MICHIGAN GUY: But… but I'm moving there! Are you dating someone else?

TEQUILA RED: Yes. And I don't want to date you.

MICHIGAN GUY: You don't?

TEQUILA RED: No. Other people. Not you.

MICHIGAN GUY: Oh.

TEQUILA RED: Yeah.

MICHIGAN GUY: So who are you dating?

TEQUILA RED: Just ... people. Don't worry about it.

MICHIGAN GUY: This relationship should be built on trust. You have to be able to tell me things.

TEQUILA RED: What relationship? THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP.

MICHIGAN GUY: Because we're breaking up.

TEQUILA RED: Right.

MICHIGAN GUY: Okay. We're breaking up. But you should know I'm only doing this because I care about you.

TEQUILA RED: ...?

MICHIGAN GUY: And you can call me whenever you want. I'm not just saying that to be nice, either.

TEQUILA RED: How big of you.

MICHIGAN GUY: Because I think you're great. This just isn't working out. I hope you're not too hurt.

TEQUILA RED: I think I'll be okay.

MICHIGAN GUY: That's good. I'm not trying to hurt you. We're just not in the same place right now.

TEQUILA RED: Clearly.

MICHIGAN GUY: But when I move there, then maybe….

TEQUILA RED: No.

MICHIGAN GUY: Right. Definitely not. You're not too hurt though, right?

TEQUILA RED: I'll get over it.

MICHIGAN GUY: Okay. That's good. I'm really sorry to do this.

TEQUILA RED: That's okay.

MICHIGAN GUY: You're very special.

TEQUILA RED: Thanks.

MICHIGAN GUY: So... How's your cat?

TEQUILA RED: I have to go now.

MICHIGAN GUY: Okay... well, let's talk soon then. Okay? Okay? Hello?

*click*