Never Go To Walgreens On Thursday

I stopped at Wallys this morning for smokes (9 days and counting!), and the guy ahead of me in line was feeling chatty. He flashed me a big grin.
CRAZY DUDE: Hey Red!
ME: Hi.
CRAZY DUDE: You have beautiful red hair.
ME: Thanks.
CRAZY DUDE: I used to have red hair. Straight people thought I was a gay, the gays thought I was straight. It was a mess.
ME: Um...
CRAZY DUDE: Hey, did you see that guy who just left? We were in jail together.
ME: ...
CRAZY DUDE: He didn't say nothin' though because the last time I saw him I shoved a door handle about halfway up his ass.
THE CASHIER AND I LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
CRAZY DUDE: I was like, "Don't you even think I'm gay, ya punk!"
ME: Well.
CRAZY DUDE: Man. The gays.
HE TAKES USED TOOTHPASTE AND DEODORANT FROM HIS POCKET AND SETS THEM ON THE COUNTER.
CRAZY DUDE: I gotta go to court now. Got a date with the goddamn judge. Goddamn judges, man.
ME [CONCENTRATING ON A PACKAGE OF GUM]: Uh-huh.
CRAZY DUDE: You sure have pretty hair. Bye bye now.
CRAZY DUDE LEAVES.
CASHIER: Good lord. I don't know what it is about Thursday. We get the weirdest freaks in here on Thursday.
ME: Yeah. So is there a back exit in this joint or what?
CASHIER: The manager will walk you out.
ME: God, I've got to quit smoking.

The Parolee Playlist
Mark Kozalek - "If You Want Blood"
"Down By the Water" - PJ Harvey
Eels - "Your Lucky Day In Hell"
"Milk Man" - Deerhoof
Radiohead live at Coachella "Creep"
Mountain Goats - "Lions Teeth"