Upping the Ante

This morning I asked my boss for a raise. I said, "Listen, little man. I ain't working for peanuts no more. Show me the cash or I walk." Then I slapped his face, turned on my heel and stormed out of his office.

What I Actually Said
"Hi! Wow, is that a new shirt? I love it when you wear that color. Blue really brings out your eyes. Did you get a haircut? Totally slammin'! Hey, listen, I need to ask you something. Do you think it might be possible to somehow maybe get the teeeeeensiest little bit of a raise? You do? Ohmigod you're awesome! That would be so great, I'd love you forever. I mean, I already do love you but now I love you even more. If that's possible. Which I don't think it is. You're such a great boss. You really inspire me. What's that? Leave you alone now? I'd be happy to! I'm sure you have some very important stuff to do. You're a very important guy. VIP, if you know what I mean. No, you 'get out.' It's true! Hey, is that ebay you're looking at? You're probably buying something for work. Ooh, it would be so cool to have a cappucino maker like that in our kitchen. Take that Starbucks, ya bitches! Ha. Okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to slam the door that close to my face. Don't worry, I'm all right! I think I'll just go back to my office now. Hey, thanks again for the You Know What. You're the bomb. Bye!"

The Conversation, For Reals
ME: Hey, I need to ask for a raise.
BOSS: So what are you thinking?
ME: Maybe [X amount]?
BOSS: That sounds doable. Let me talk to the CEO.
ME: Thanks.
BOSS: You deserve it. Hey, happy birthday! I got you some wine!
ME: Aw, that's sweet. Thanks.
BOSS: You're welcome.
WE HUG

Yeah, boring, I know. What can I say, we have a disgustingly healthy relationship.
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Rowr.
Tonight is date #2 with the Nerve guy. If he still likes me tomorrow, he gets a better blog nickname and an invitation to my birthday party.
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Party Newz
Reserved a keg but spent the rest of my booze budget on my beeyooteefull gown. So if you're coming, you best be BRINGIN ZEE BOOZE. And yes, office pool peeps, I will have the Michigan St v. N Carolina game on at least one of my TVs. You big nerds.
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I ♥ the GOP
HA HA HA HA HA HA.
But Missouri Senator John Danforth (R) is my new boyfriend.