Guilty Viewing Pleasures
I have terrible taste in TV. That I watch it at all is horrifying enough for my more culturally elitist friends, who either don't own televisions or claim to only watch BBC. One guy I used to date was so ashamed of his TV that he kept it hidden under a colorful blanket he swore was handwoven by an indigenous tribe in New Guinea.
I don't play that game. I love my TV, and the badder the better. It's a good thing I don't have cable.
10 Terrible Shows I Love To Watch
1. Reba
She's a country singer. It's on the WB. On FRIDAY NIGHT. I know! But Reba is also one of the only shows that makes me laugh out loud, with the sharpest writing and strongest cast of any sitcom on TV right now. I made my boyfriend watch it last week and we laughed our asses off. I love you, dear stupid Van. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: singing along with the theme song
2. America's Next Top Model
It's vapid. It's pointless. It stars Tyra Banks. But the bitchfights, cattiness and unintentionally hilarious speeches by Tyra make this one hour of high entertainment. And any show where a girl talks drunkenly to a giant potted plant she's named Cousin It is quality programming, in my book. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: when Tyra tries to be sMarT
3. What I Like About You
So it's that show with Jennie Garth and Amanda Bynes? And they're sisters? And they fight a lot? Or something? It's kind of pointless and fluffy but if I'm home and it's on, I'm watching. Jennie Garth has pretty pretty hair. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: The drinking game that goes with it. Amanda Bynes dances - DRINK!
4. Maury Povich
But I really do need to know if that lady will ever find her baby's daddy! Eigth time's the charm! BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: When it's not.
5. Veronica Mars
If you watch it, you're probably all like "HEY! This show is excellent! Even critics love it! So shut your stupid ass-face!" But have you ever tried to explain to someone what it's about? "So like she's in high school, and she's a detective. And someone killed her friend last year and it turned out to be her friend's boyfriend's dad because they were having an affair. And then her friend's boyfriend's dad tried to kill Veronica except it didn't work and good thing because now she and Duncan are BACK TOGETHER!!"
I'm sorry, do you not hear yourself?
BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: the snark
6. Everybody Loves Raymond
I know, and I'm not proud of it. But it's on when I'm cooking dinner and if I have to choose between that and AccessTonightHollywoodEntertainmentInsider, I'm going with Peter Boyle. So shoot me. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: Peter Boyle
7. Grey's Anatomy
It's a pretty popular show and everything, but that doesn't make it any less a melodramatic, messy and not that interesting ripoff of ER. Plus I hate the everloving shit out of that girl who plays Meredith. Bitch has a crazy Joker mouth. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: They play a lot of Tegan & Sara. And I still have a crush on Patrick Dempsey.
8. MadTV
I'm not in love with the current cast, but in its heyday MadTV could wipe the floor with Saturday Night Live's anemic ass. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: "He look-a like-a man!" "Bunifa Latifah Halifa Sharifa Jackson!" and "Hey, look what I can do!" HAHAHAHAHA!
Yes, I realize none of you know what I'm talking about. Shut up.
9. Boston Legal
Remember when this show used to be good? Last year? Now it's a ham-fisted, scenery-chewed, sprawling piece of poo. But William Shatner is still fucking awesome. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: James Spader in a suit
10. Extreme Home Makeover
I was at a party once, sitting around a table with a bunch of dudes when someone brought up this show. "Oh man," said one guy, "I cry like a baby at the end of that show. Every time!" The other guys immediately nodded and made similar confessions. Yes, it's manipulative when the blind cop who's raising his sister's 14 handicapped kids by himself since his wife died of toenail cancer gets a special braille oven that will allow him to run his catering business that feeds the homeless, but if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye then YOU HAVE NO HEART. You robot. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: When they MOVE THAT BUS!
PROGRAMMING NOTE: #2 and #5 are on UPN tonight. I know where I'll be!
[UPDATE: Reruns. Watched 'em anyway.]
I don't play that game. I love my TV, and the badder the better. It's a good thing I don't have cable.
10 Terrible Shows I Love To Watch
1. Reba
She's a country singer. It's on the WB. On FRIDAY NIGHT. I know! But Reba is also one of the only shows that makes me laugh out loud, with the sharpest writing and strongest cast of any sitcom on TV right now. I made my boyfriend watch it last week and we laughed our asses off. I love you, dear stupid Van. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: singing along with the theme song
2. America's Next Top Model
It's vapid. It's pointless. It stars Tyra Banks. But the bitchfights, cattiness and unintentionally hilarious speeches by Tyra make this one hour of high entertainment. And any show where a girl talks drunkenly to a giant potted plant she's named Cousin It is quality programming, in my book. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: when Tyra tries to be sMarT
3. What I Like About You
So it's that show with Jennie Garth and Amanda Bynes? And they're sisters? And they fight a lot? Or something? It's kind of pointless and fluffy but if I'm home and it's on, I'm watching. Jennie Garth has pretty pretty hair. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: The drinking game that goes with it. Amanda Bynes dances - DRINK!
4. Maury Povich
But I really do need to know if that lady will ever find her baby's daddy! Eigth time's the charm! BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: When it's not.
5. Veronica Mars
If you watch it, you're probably all like "HEY! This show is excellent! Even critics love it! So shut your stupid ass-face!" But have you ever tried to explain to someone what it's about? "So like she's in high school, and she's a detective. And someone killed her friend last year and it turned out to be her friend's boyfriend's dad because they were having an affair. And then her friend's boyfriend's dad tried to kill Veronica except it didn't work and good thing because now she and Duncan are BACK TOGETHER!!"
I'm sorry, do you not hear yourself?
BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: the snark
6. Everybody Loves Raymond
I know, and I'm not proud of it. But it's on when I'm cooking dinner and if I have to choose between that and AccessTonightHollywoodEntertainmentInsider, I'm going with Peter Boyle. So shoot me. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: Peter Boyle
7. Grey's Anatomy
It's a pretty popular show and everything, but that doesn't make it any less a melodramatic, messy and not that interesting ripoff of ER. Plus I hate the everloving shit out of that girl who plays Meredith. Bitch has a crazy Joker mouth. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: They play a lot of Tegan & Sara. And I still have a crush on Patrick Dempsey.
8. MadTV
I'm not in love with the current cast, but in its heyday MadTV could wipe the floor with Saturday Night Live's anemic ass. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: "He look-a like-a man!" "Bunifa Latifah Halifa Sharifa Jackson!" and "Hey, look what I can do!" HAHAHAHAHA!
Yes, I realize none of you know what I'm talking about. Shut up.
9. Boston Legal
Remember when this show used to be good? Last year? Now it's a ham-fisted, scenery-chewed, sprawling piece of poo. But William Shatner is still fucking awesome. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: James Spader in a suit
10. Extreme Home Makeover
I was at a party once, sitting around a table with a bunch of dudes when someone brought up this show. "Oh man," said one guy, "I cry like a baby at the end of that show. Every time!" The other guys immediately nodded and made similar confessions. Yes, it's manipulative when the blind cop who's raising his sister's 14 handicapped kids by himself since his wife died of toenail cancer gets a special braille oven that will allow him to run his catering business that feeds the homeless, but if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye then YOU HAVE NO HEART. You robot. BEST THING ABOUT THE SHOW: When they MOVE THAT BUS!
PROGRAMMING NOTE: #2 and #5 are on UPN tonight. I know where I'll be!
[UPDATE: Reruns. Watched 'em anyway.]
Tequila Red called it a day @ 12:32 PM
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