She's A Character

One of my friends recently decided to make a Major Life Change involving going back to school, and has asked me to write her a character reference. Why, I'd be delighted!

To Whom It May Concern:

My friend Melmar has tons of character, but don't just take my word for it! The evidence speaks for itself:

• Melmar is caring. She is the kind of friend who will scrape your drunken carcass up off the sidewalk and only take one or two pictures first.

• Melmar is devoted to feeding the hungry. Like that time we were crashing at her house after a long night out and she offered to make us a frozen pizza but then fell asleep and almost burned the house down, oops.

• Melmar is giving. Once she was going to messenger over a big packet of blank paper just so I could get a good look at Chicago's hottest bike messenger. But then something happened and she didn't. I forget what.

• Melmar is supportive. She will remind you that the schlub you were dating is indeed a hopeless loser, and will not even say I told you so when that jackass goes and gives you the clap. Instead, she will say it later, in private, to her husband, when you cannot even hear.

Whether it's snagging a can of whipped cream from behind the bar at the Tiny and starting impromptu whipped cream wars with strangers, or "accidentally" knocking me down in the street and strangling me with the belt from my own coat until I cry, you can count on Melmar to truly make the most of any situation. She is one of my closest friends.

Especially after a few Jack & Cokes.

Hubba hubba.

Best Regards,

Tequila Red