The Conservatives Love Him
And you know what that means: John Roberts is bad news.
People Who Would Make A Better Supreme Court Justice Than John Roberts
1. Tom Cruise
A bit of a wildcard on the separation of Church and Medication issue, and a bit of a scenery chewer, but presumably a proponent of gay rights. Also involved in fine organizations such as Fist Pumpers and Couch Jumpers, The History of Psychiatry: Everything You Need To Know, and May I Have A Phone Book To Stand On Please.
2. The Verizon Guy
Can you hear me now? Clearly this is a man who is in touch with America. And since most Americans support abortion rights, distrust the President, and enjoy having sexual relations outdoors, it's important that our laws reflect these deep-seated beliefs.
3. Tommy Lee
Skilled in oral arguments (convinced the same woman to marry him THREE TIMES). Would make decriminalizing drugs top priority. Also, can bang gavel without using hands.
4. Jude Law's Nanny
I hear she's available.
5. Alf
Pro-immigration rights. Anti-cat. Good enough for me.
6. Oprah
Millions of Americans already do what she tellsus them to. Why not make it official? See Also: Makes more money than god, Available in Sizes 6 - 16 and Chicago in da HOUSE
7. The Maintenance Man In My Building
Javier is a hard-working family man who is devoted to duty and willing to fix anything when asked. Could be helpful when considering the death penalty, Don't Ask Don't Tell, and Wait - You're Taking My House To Build A STRIPMALL?
8. Sarah Michelle Gellar
Experience with the undead comes in handy on the current high court. A little garlic and a crucifix are all it takes to keep Justice Scalia far away from anything that matters. Also, the girl looks killer in black.
RUNNERS UP: Michael McConnell, the lady who waited on me at lunch today, the cop writing parking tickets downstairs, Lindsay Lohan, Ignatius Reilly, Elton John, Bob, Bugs Bunny, Hurricane Emily, and the talking dog from Men In Black.
People Who Would Make A Better Supreme Court Justice Than John Roberts
1. Tom Cruise
A bit of a wildcard on the separation of Church and Medication issue, and a bit of a scenery chewer, but presumably a proponent of gay rights. Also involved in fine organizations such as Fist Pumpers and Couch Jumpers, The History of Psychiatry: Everything You Need To Know, and May I Have A Phone Book To Stand On Please.
2. The Verizon Guy
Can you hear me now? Clearly this is a man who is in touch with America. And since most Americans support abortion rights, distrust the President, and enjoy having sexual relations outdoors, it's important that our laws reflect these deep-seated beliefs.
3. Tommy Lee
Skilled in oral arguments (convinced the same woman to marry him THREE TIMES). Would make decriminalizing drugs top priority. Also, can bang gavel without using hands.
4. Jude Law's Nanny
I hear she's available.
5. Alf
Pro-immigration rights. Anti-cat. Good enough for me.
6. Oprah
Millions of Americans already do what she tells
7. The Maintenance Man In My Building
Javier is a hard-working family man who is devoted to duty and willing to fix anything when asked. Could be helpful when considering the death penalty, Don't Ask Don't Tell, and Wait - You're Taking My House To Build A STRIPMALL?
8. Sarah Michelle Gellar
Experience with the undead comes in handy on the current high court. A little garlic and a crucifix are all it takes to keep Justice Scalia far away from anything that matters. Also, the girl looks killer in black.
RUNNERS UP: Michael McConnell, the lady who waited on me at lunch today, the cop writing parking tickets downstairs, Lindsay Lohan, Ignatius Reilly, Elton John, Bob, Bugs Bunny, Hurricane Emily, and the talking dog from Men In Black.
Tequila Red called it a day @ 3:54 PM
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