Stomp

Last night I got into a fight with my upstairs neighbor/landlord/resident PITA. I asked him - rather nicely, I might add - if they wouldn't mind trying not to wear their shoes so much around the house. His response? Indignance, disbelief, and a whole lot of assery.

LANDLORD: I don't understand why this is suddenly a problem.
TEQUILA RED: It's not sudden, trust me.
LL: What, I'm supposed to take my shoes off the minute I get home?
TR: That would be wonderful, thanks.
LL: YOU ARE SO UNREASONABLE.
TR: I haven't complained about the dog barking all the time, or the nursery being right over my bedroom, or the baby who plays in the nursery right over my bedroom by banging wooden objects directly on the floor at 6AM, or the fact that I haven't done laundry since November, or that the back gate is broken and I have to CLIMB OVER IT TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH. I pay my rent on time, don't throw parties anymore, and take better care of the place than you do. So, seriously, you might want to give me this one.
LL: But my shoes? Off my feet? I don't think this can be done.
TR: Try.
LL: [mentally calculating rent increase]
TR: [stabbing him with eyes]
LL: Fine, but I'm not making any promises.
TR: You're a peach.

Things I Will Try Not To Do, But I Can't Make Any Promises:
• Lose their mail
• Steal their mail
• Steal their car
• Rub their clean laundry on basement floor, then put back in dryer
• Blast Fannypack all day while at work, claim cat enjoys it
• Nails in front of garage door
• Sauerkraut cook-off
• Throw mad birthday party
• Move

Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.