Hey! You Steal My Watch!
TIME: 2:00 this morning
PLACE: The Tiny Lounge
Wendi has the hiccups. She holds her breath, she eats sugar, she sucks a lemon. Nothing works. The bartender says he has an idea, and goes to talk to some foreign guy at the end of the bar. The foreign guy comes over.
WENDI: You're gonna get rid of my hiccups? Yay!
FOREIGN GUY: Hello! I see you here before, yes?
WENDI: I don't know. Maybe. I'm here a lot.
FOREIGN GUY: Yes, I see you here before.
WENDI: Yeah, that's great. Listen, I really need to get rid of these hiccups.
FOREIGN GUY: What's this thing you talk about, "hiccups"?
WENDI: But didn't Mark send you over because you know how to cure the hiccups?
FOR: Eh? I come over because last time you are here, you steal my watch.
WENDI: Wha?
FOREIGN GUY: My watch! I take it off, I set it on bar by window, I see you take. You steal my watch, my best watch!
WENDI: WHAT? I didn't steal anything!
FG: It was you. I remember the hair.
WENDI (POINTS AT ME): Maybe it was her.
ME: Hey!
FOREIGN GUY: No, it was you. You steal.
WENDI: I swear to god, I didn't steal your watch.
ME: And anyway, the last time she was here, she spent every second sucking on some guy's face. She wouldn't have had the chance to steal your watch.
FOREIGN GUY: I know you steal my watch!
WENDI: STOP SAYING THAT.
FOREIGN GUY: My $500 watch! You. STEAL. Stealer!
Foreign Guy stomps off angrily. Everyone looks at Wendi.
WENDI: I DIDN'T STEAL HIS STUPID WATCH. God.
BARTENDER: Hey, everything okay down here?
WENDI: Sniff. That guy thinks I stole something.
BARTENDER (SMILING): Okay, but do you still have the hiccups?
WENDI: I have NEVER sto- wait, what?
Foreign guy laughs, walks over, hugs her.
FOREIGN GUY: I was just fuckin' with ya, kiddo. It was Mark's idea. A distraction. You're so busy convincing some guy you're not a thief that you forget to hiccup. You know, that sort of thing.
WENDI: ....
ME: That's brilliant. I love it.
WENDI: Fuck you guys. That was so mean.
BARTENDER: But did it work?
WENDI: Hey! I actually think - (hic!). No. No, it didn't. But thanks anyway. Assholes.
* * * * * *
Mark is my favorite bartender in this city or any other. The man is an artist, and his medium is alcohol. What could be better? Plus, dude be fiiiiiiiine. My glass is never empty when he's behind the bar, and sometimes he lets me have the rest of the martini from the shaker after he's made a particularly tasty one. Yum. And now we find out that he's got killer taste in music too? This guy might need a restraining order in the very near future. YowZA!
A Tiny Playlist
Matt Pond PA - "The Hollows," "Closer," and "Measure 3"
Songs: Ohia - "Two Blue Lights" and "Tigress"
* * * * * *
Confidential to Jenna: I have seen the future and it is Xi'an Boyfriend. Please destroy his visa and keep him here. Thank you.
PLACE: The Tiny Lounge
Wendi has the hiccups. She holds her breath, she eats sugar, she sucks a lemon. Nothing works. The bartender says he has an idea, and goes to talk to some foreign guy at the end of the bar. The foreign guy comes over.
WENDI: You're gonna get rid of my hiccups? Yay!
FOREIGN GUY: Hello! I see you here before, yes?
WENDI: I don't know. Maybe. I'm here a lot.
FOREIGN GUY: Yes, I see you here before.
WENDI: Yeah, that's great. Listen, I really need to get rid of these hiccups.
FOREIGN GUY: What's this thing you talk about, "hiccups"?
WENDI: But didn't Mark send you over because you know how to cure the hiccups?
FOR: Eh? I come over because last time you are here, you steal my watch.
WENDI: Wha?
FOREIGN GUY: My watch! I take it off, I set it on bar by window, I see you take. You steal my watch, my best watch!
WENDI: WHAT? I didn't steal anything!
FG: It was you. I remember the hair.
WENDI (POINTS AT ME): Maybe it was her.
ME: Hey!
FOREIGN GUY: No, it was you. You steal.
WENDI: I swear to god, I didn't steal your watch.
ME: And anyway, the last time she was here, she spent every second sucking on some guy's face. She wouldn't have had the chance to steal your watch.
FOREIGN GUY: I know you steal my watch!
WENDI: STOP SAYING THAT.
FOREIGN GUY: My $500 watch! You. STEAL. Stealer!
Foreign Guy stomps off angrily. Everyone looks at Wendi.
WENDI: I DIDN'T STEAL HIS STUPID WATCH. God.
BARTENDER: Hey, everything okay down here?
WENDI: Sniff. That guy thinks I stole something.
BARTENDER (SMILING): Okay, but do you still have the hiccups?
WENDI: I have NEVER sto- wait, what?
Foreign guy laughs, walks over, hugs her.
FOREIGN GUY: I was just fuckin' with ya, kiddo. It was Mark's idea. A distraction. You're so busy convincing some guy you're not a thief that you forget to hiccup. You know, that sort of thing.
WENDI: ....
ME: That's brilliant. I love it.
WENDI: Fuck you guys. That was so mean.
BARTENDER: But did it work?
WENDI: Hey! I actually think - (hic!). No. No, it didn't. But thanks anyway. Assholes.
Mark is my favorite bartender in this city or any other. The man is an artist, and his medium is alcohol. What could be better? Plus, dude be fiiiiiiiine. My glass is never empty when he's behind the bar, and sometimes he lets me have the rest of the martini from the shaker after he's made a particularly tasty one. Yum. And now we find out that he's got killer taste in music too? This guy might need a restraining order in the very near future. YowZA!
A Tiny Playlist
Matt Pond PA - "The Hollows," "Closer," and "Measure 3"
Songs: Ohia - "Two Blue Lights" and "Tigress"
Confidential to Jenna: I have seen the future and it is Xi'an Boyfriend. Please destroy his visa and keep him here. Thank you.
Tequila Red called it a day @ 11:42 AM
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