I Beg to Differ
Oh ladies. You knew I wouldn't be able to let this slide without a rebuttal, right? Now, I'm not one to stereotype (HA HA HA HA! Ahem.) but I'm afraid you've forced my hand here. I give you:
5 Reasons To Stop Dating Silly Boys
1. They hate talking to you on the phone. I don't mean hours-long marathon phone sessions where you tell each other your secret dreams and fears. No, I mean CALLING YOU. EVER. Given a choice, boys will choose email and text messages over a phone call every single time. A girlfriend of mine was once dumped after a two year relationship VIA TEXT MESSAGE. At WORK. That sux, yo.
2. They eat all your food and drink all your beer. Because you guys always hang out at your house, because really, who wants to visit that disgusting hovel he lives in? When was the last time he washed those sheets, do you think?
3. They think all your favorite movies are stupid. Have you ever tried to make a guy watch Breakfast at Tiffany's? Man in the Moon? Or - god forbid - Say Anything? Boyfriend is asleep before the previews are over, or else off in the corner flipping through US Weekly for pictures of Angelina Jolie in a swimsuit. So unless your favorite movie is Fletch, forget it.
4. They stink up your bathroom.
5. Their friends are idiots. Try to remember the last time you actually, actively liked the dudes your dude runs with. Yeah, me neither. His friends are either tools who talk too loud, make obnoxious jokes and stare at your rack, or they're hot and you kind of want to bang them. Frankly, it's a lose-lose.
I could go on (sock balls all over the floor, beard burn on your unmentionables, and hockey) but I'd rather not talk myself out of dating again ever, thanksanyway. I just felt obligated to provide the other perspective. Pretty single boys reading this and itching to prove me wrong, please email at once. Thank you.
1. They hate talking to you on the phone. I don't mean hours-long marathon phone sessions where you tell each other your secret dreams and fears. No, I mean CALLING YOU. EVER. Given a choice, boys will choose email and text messages over a phone call every single time. A girlfriend of mine was once dumped after a two year relationship VIA TEXT MESSAGE. At WORK. That sux, yo.
2. They eat all your food and drink all your beer. Because you guys always hang out at your house, because really, who wants to visit that disgusting hovel he lives in? When was the last time he washed those sheets, do you think?
3. They think all your favorite movies are stupid. Have you ever tried to make a guy watch Breakfast at Tiffany's? Man in the Moon? Or - god forbid - Say Anything? Boyfriend is asleep before the previews are over, or else off in the corner flipping through US Weekly for pictures of Angelina Jolie in a swimsuit. So unless your favorite movie is Fletch, forget it.
4. They stink up your bathroom.
5. Their friends are idiots. Try to remember the last time you actually, actively liked the dudes your dude runs with. Yeah, me neither. His friends are either tools who talk too loud, make obnoxious jokes and stare at your rack, or they're hot and you kind of want to bang them. Frankly, it's a lose-lose.
I could go on (sock balls all over the floor, beard burn on your unmentionables, and hockey) but I'd rather not talk myself out of dating again ever, thanksanyway. I just felt obligated to provide the other perspective. Pretty single boys reading this and itching to prove me wrong, please email at once. Thank you.
Tequila Red called it a day @ 2:44 PM
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