A Guide to Family Movie Night

When you're poor, a fun thing to do is rent movies from the library. Library movies are free, and free is fabulous. But since the library doesn't have a huge movie-buying budget, almost all of their movies are on VHS, and most of them are from the 80's. That's okay though, because there's something wonderfully nostalgic about sharing movies from your childhood with your own children.

Or there would be, if those little brats didn't hate them so much. I pull out a tape and they wonder what they're being punished for. There is some whining and eye-rolling and muttering about "Blockbuster" and "cheapskates." I tell you, those kids wouldn't know quality entertainment if you duct-taped them to the couch, propped open their eyelids with toothpicks and forced them at knifepoint to watch it. Which I never have. (Hi, DCFS! Love ya!)

80's Movies I Love But My Kids Do Not

Dirty Dancing

I Say: A classic! Baby's relationship with her dad is touching and real; Patrick Swayze is saucy. Infinitely quotable.
My Kids Say: They dance funny.
They'd Rather Watch: Some crap with Hillary Duff, or Finding Nemo

Willow

I Say: Action! Adventure! Val Kilmer when he was still hot!
My Kids Say: If I wanted midgets I'd watch The Wizard of Oz.
They'd Rather Watch: Paint dry

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

I Say: The best day of hooky in film history.
My Kids Say: Hey, look, it's Chicago! Can we go to bed now?
They'd Rather Watch: Malcolm in the Middle

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I Say: A hilarious yet scathing commentary on society's disregard for natural resources and indigenous cultures.
They Say: Whuh?
They'd Rather Watch: Survivor

Uncle Buck

I Say: John Candy = pure comic genius
They Say: Is that the fat guy from Tommy Boy?
They'd Rather Watch: Anything with Adam Sandler

Legend

I Say: Young Tom Cruise! In a loincloth! Plus, unicorns.
They Say: OH MY GOD THAT DEVIL IS THE SCARIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY
They'd Rather Watch: Jerry Maguire


Sissies.

The Money Pit

I Say: One of my all time favorites. Every scene is hysterical.
They Say: Oh boy, two people fixing up a house. How thrilling. Not.
They'd Rather Watch: Extreme Home Makeover with Ty Pennington

Hello Again

I Say: Mana turee calla bee santee! Lucy! Gooooooldo, win ja!
They Say: Jesus, Mom, is this woman in every movie ever made?
They'd Rather Watch: Dawn of the Dead

Ernest Goes to Camp

I Say: Wow. This movie was a lot better when I was a kid.
They Say: This is the most retarded movie ever.
I Say: Seriously, I can't believe we used to love it so much.
They Say: Maybe you were retarded.
I Say: Shut up and help me find the remote.

[NOTE: Movies that successfully cross the generation gap include Ghost, Ghostbusters, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Big, The Goonies, Back to the Future, Splash, Indiana Jones, The Princess Bride, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Shut up. That movie is GREAT.]

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I need the 100 pack of these stickers, pronto. My neighbors must be taught a lesson.
(link via Gapers Block)

The Big Smoke Out Continues
Good: 9+ days without a cigarette
Bad: Still no sports car