At Last We Meet

Guess who was already standing on the platform when I went to catch the train Friday night? So, gathering up every ounce of courage I owned, I walked up and stood next to the Train Boyfriend. "I see you on the train all the time," I said shyly. "I'm Kari." He smiled and held out his hand. "Derek," he said. "Nice to finally meet you."

Or, that's how it should have gone.

Instead, my dumb ass walked right by, pretending not to see him. I stood further down the platform, berating myself. He looked over, caught my eye. COME OVER COME OVER COME OVER, I vibed him. Nothing. Finally a train came, a crowded one, and we piled on. He was right behind me. We were almost touching. I caught his eye in the reflection but it was too squished to turn around, even if I wanted to.

At every stop, people rearranged themselves, shifting to let others off and on. There was a smattering of eye contact. A smile. But still no talking. Eventually I found myself standing right next to him. This is pathetic, I thought. He gets off at the next stop. You're never going to have a better chance. OH MY GOD JUST SAY SOMETHING YOU FUCKING PANSY. And then my Train Boyfriend put on his stupid headphones and it was too late. Except somebody forgot to tell my hand, which had just received the delayed "Must Make Contact" signal from my brain and was totally going for it.

I touched his arm and he took off his headphones. "I see you on the train all the time," I said. He looked at me blankly. Waited. Oh god. Abort! Abort! "Have we, um, met before?" I asked. Oh no she di'int! That tired old thing? Bitch please.

"Um, I don't think so," he said, looking confused. "Do you work in the Mart?"

"No."

Dead silence. I couldn't think of a goddamn thing to say. Everyone was staring and I was going down in flames. Then he grinned, held out his hand and rescued me. "I'm Derek, by the way."

PRAISE JEEZUS. We shook hands, I asked what he was listening to, we talked about Pinback for a minute and then it was his stop. "I have to go," he said. "Have a good weekend, Kari."

So ... that's it? But I guess it's better than nothing. Right? I mean, it could have been smoother, but still. I TALKED TO MY TRAIN BOYFRIEND. Yay! And if he sounds less than enthusiastic here, let me just say. 1) He kept his headphones off until he was about to switch trains. Why? To better hear the silence of 100 claustrophobic commuters? 2) He's the one who kept the conversation going while I was distracted by thoughts of the "HOLY CRAP DID I JUST SAY THAT?" variety, and 3) his body language was all "hey baby whazzup bow chicka womp womp." So there.

Anyway, now we know each other enough to say hi, and maybe, if he doesn't think I'm too retarded or start catching a different train to avoid the stupidness that is me, then maybe next time we can have an actual conversation. And then maybe, in a few years or so, I'll get up the nerve to ask him out.

Guess I'd better start working on what to say.