Idiot in Aisle Nine
The grocery store is one of the worst possible places to bump into someone you know. I believe this for two reasons: 1) As a rule, I look totally nast at the grocery store - who can be bothered to tart it up just to go buy Doritos? - and 2) I'm weird about people checking out the eats in my cart. Not that I have something to hide, but sometimes I do.
So yesterday when I ran into an acquaintance of the formerly-dated persuasion at the Jewel, I suddenly slipped into giant spaz mode. It was the last aisle of the store, so of course all my fruits, veggies, whole grain breads, organic cereals and fancy cheeses were hidden below ice cream bars and Cheetos. Damn. Why did I have to grab the MegaHuge 24 pack of toilet paper? Why did I let Olivia talk me into this horrid TV dinner? Should I mention that thing he wrote in his blog? He said he sometimes still reads mine, so it's probably okay. Hey, where did these Fruit Roll Ups come from? Did I remember to get tampons? Is he really only buying paper towels and a salad? Why is that so cute?
The whole thing was over and done with in two minutes, but I'm pretty sure it was enough to reinforce the popular opinion that I'm a complete social retard. Plus, when I glanced in the rearview mirror later there was a huge black smudge on my cheek and my hair looked like a greasetrap.
Dang, I totally forgot to buy tampons.
So yesterday when I ran into an acquaintance of the formerly-dated persuasion at the Jewel, I suddenly slipped into giant spaz mode. It was the last aisle of the store, so of course all my fruits, veggies, whole grain breads, organic cereals and fancy cheeses were hidden below ice cream bars and Cheetos. Damn. Why did I have to grab the MegaHuge 24 pack of toilet paper? Why did I let Olivia talk me into this horrid TV dinner? Should I mention that thing he wrote in his blog? He said he sometimes still reads mine, so it's probably okay. Hey, where did these Fruit Roll Ups come from? Did I remember to get tampons? Is he really only buying paper towels and a salad? Why is that so cute?
The whole thing was over and done with in two minutes, but I'm pretty sure it was enough to reinforce the popular opinion that I'm a complete social retard. Plus, when I glanced in the rearview mirror later there was a huge black smudge on my cheek and my hair looked like a greasetrap.
Dang, I totally forgot to buy tampons.
Tequila Red called it a day @ 10:59 AM
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