Cult of Personality
Besides being infinitely annoying, the current media obsession with Crazy Cruise has also generated a ton of attention for his "religion" of choice, Scientology. I was reading some stuff about it last night and while it doesn't make me want to join up, it totally makes me want to start a cult. Some possibilities:
The Rhettettes
WORSHIPS:
BELIEVES IN: Long floppy hair, hip swivels, moles that beg be licked, four leaf clovers, sweat, stalking
MOTTO: "He just spit on me! That is so hot."
WHO CAN JOIN: Chicks; dudes who are very secure in their manhood
THEME SONG: "King of All the World" - Old 97's
The Boca Nuts
WORSHIPS: frozen vegetarian food product
MOTTO(S): "Cows - not that tasty"; "We fake everything"; "Check out THESE buns"
WHO CAN JOIN: Trader Joe's employees, anyone owning crystal deodorant
THEME SONG: "Know Your Onion!" - The Shins
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Moby
Devils in Disguise
WORSHIPS: Theme parties
BELIEVES IN: combing thrift stores for '80s outifts, pissing off the neighbors
MOTTO(S): "Let's all put on aprons!"; "Does this prom dress make my butt look big enough?"; "What the hell is this strap for?"
MEETS AT: My house, regularly
THEME SONG: "Polyester Bride" - Liz Phair
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Chloe Sevigny
Panteneyboppers
WORSHIPS: drugstore hair products
MOTTO: "Shiny hair is better than world peace, also, harder to achieve"
WHO CAN JOIN: People too cheap for Aveda
MEETS AT: Aisle 4
THEME SONG: "I Go Humble" - Bjork
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Brit Brit
Las Tequitas
WORSHIPS: the frozen margarita
BELIEVES IN: glasses as big as your head, salt on the rim, blackouts
MEETS AT: 5:01 PM
MOTTO(S): "Whose turn is it to buy me a drink?"; "Where did I leave my car, I wonder"; "How many of these have I had?;" "Okay, but just one more."
THEME SONG: Tegan & Sara - "Trouble"
PSEUDO-CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECES:
Join our cult of barsluts now! We accept all major credit cards, plus rides in strangers' sports cars.
The Rhettettes
WORSHIPS:
BELIEVES IN: Long floppy hair, hip swivels, moles that beg be licked, four leaf clovers, sweat, stalking
MOTTO: "He just spit on me! That is so hot."
WHO CAN JOIN: Chicks; dudes who are very secure in their manhood
THEME SONG: "King of All the World" - Old 97's
The Boca Nuts
WORSHIPS: frozen vegetarian food product
MOTTO(S): "Cows - not that tasty"; "We fake everything"; "Check out THESE buns"
WHO CAN JOIN: Trader Joe's employees, anyone owning crystal deodorant
THEME SONG: "Know Your Onion!" - The Shins
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Moby
Devils in Disguise
WORSHIPS: Theme parties
BELIEVES IN: combing thrift stores for '80s outifts, pissing off the neighbors
MOTTO(S): "Let's all put on aprons!"; "Does this prom dress make my butt look big enough?"; "What the hell is this strap for?"
MEETS AT: My house, regularly
THEME SONG: "Polyester Bride" - Liz Phair
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Chloe Sevigny
Panteneyboppers
WORSHIPS: drugstore hair products
MOTTO: "Shiny hair is better than world peace, also, harder to achieve"
WHO CAN JOIN: People too cheap for Aveda
MEETS AT: Aisle 4
THEME SONG: "I Go Humble" - Bjork
CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECE: Brit Brit
Las Tequitas
WORSHIPS: the frozen margarita
BELIEVES IN: glasses as big as your head, salt on the rim, blackouts
MEETS AT: 5:01 PM
MOTTO(S): "Whose turn is it to buy me a drink?"; "Where did I leave my car, I wonder"; "How many of these have I had?;" "Okay, but just one more."
THEME SONG: Tegan & Sara - "Trouble"
PSEUDO-CELEBRITY MOUTHPIECES:
Join our cult of barsluts now! We accept all major credit cards, plus rides in strangers' sports cars.
Tequila Red called it a day @ 11:12 AM
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