Army Barbie: Guest Blogger

Hi everybody! My old Army buddy Tequila Red asked me if I could fill in for her today since she' s waaaaay too busy with all her important work stuff. She said it might look like she was taking a nap on the floor of her office but really she's resting her eyes and thinking some creative thoughts so if I could please shut my fat trap and let her do it that would be great. Shhhh!

Okay. So I don't know if you heard all about this women in combat stuff because for whatever reason it wasn't on the news too much, but I think it's really important and so I'd like to take this opportunity to bring you up to speed.

So like there are these old white dudes in Congress? I think they're called "Republicans"? Anyway, they were trying to pass this really stupid bill that would take girls out of Army combat support jobs. Even though like 22,000 of us are doing those jobs already. Because I guess you're only good at pulling a trigger if you have testicular virility or something. Oh, and if you're straight.

ANYWAYS, my BFF Cynthia McKinney read this retarded bill and was all like, "WTF, assholes?!" and she got into a fight with some other Congressers and it was kind of awesome. And then she voted HELL NO on the Bill of StoOpiDness but she was the only one. And 60-1 was looking kind of bad, so I was bummed. But then I guess some bigshot Army dudes were all, "Uh, hey guys? Hi, we don't really have that many people who want to join the Army right now because they'd probably have to come over here and get shot at, so maybe sending a bunch of our peeps back to the kitchen to be barefoot and preggeroo ain't the best move. You think?" And then the House Armed Services Committee dudes were all, "Eh, whatever. We can't pay for any of the crap in this bill anyway." So yesterday they took out that part about how all those girls couldn't do the jobs they were already doing. Whew!

(Oh, but if girls want to do NEW jobs, Congress will have to pass laws to say that's coolio. And so Congress would probably not have to be all full of old white Republican guys. Limited Edition Voting Barbie could fill you in more about that, I think.)

Anyhoodle, that's about all I have time for today. I told my ex I'd pick him up and drive him to his Narcotics Anonymous meeting and I was supposed to be there like twenty minutes ago. Whatever, he always complains about showing up at those things in a pink jeep anyway. The only reason I even take him at all is because I feel sort of bad that I got the Malibu Dream House and he lives in that shitty camper. But that's another story for another time. Gotta run, kids! TTFN!

Hugs & Kisses,

Army Barbie