Upping the Ante

This morning I asked my boss for a raise. I said, "Listen, little man. I ain't working for peanuts no more. Show me the cash or I walk." Then I slapped his face, turned on my heel and stormed out of his office.

What I Actually Said
"Hi! Wow, is that a new shirt? I love it when you wear that color. Blue really brings out your eyes. Did you get a haircut? Totally slammin'! Hey, listen, I need to ask you something. Do you think it might be possible to somehow maybe get the teeeeeensiest little bit of a raise? You do? Ohmigod you're awesome! That would be so great, I'd love you forever. I mean, I already do love you but now I love you even more. If that's possible. Which I don't think it is. You're such a great boss. You really inspire me. What's that? Leave you alone now? I'd be happy to! I'm sure you have some very important stuff to do. You're a very important guy. VIP, if you know what I mean. No, you 'get out.' It's true! Hey, is that ebay you're looking at? You're probably buying something for work. Ooh, it would be so cool to have a cappucino maker like that in our kitchen. Take that Starbucks, ya bitches! Ha. Okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to slam the door that close to my face. Don't worry, I'm all right! I think I'll just go back to my office now. Hey, thanks again for the You Know What. You're the bomb. Bye!"

The Conversation, For Reals
ME: Hey, I need to ask for a raise.
BOSS: So what are you thinking?
ME: Maybe [X amount]?
BOSS: That sounds doable. Let me talk to the CEO.
ME: Thanks.
BOSS: You deserve it. Hey, happy birthday! I got you some wine!
ME: Aw, that's sweet. Thanks.
BOSS: You're welcome.
WE HUG

Yeah, boring, I know. What can I say, we have a disgustingly healthy relationship.
* * * * * *
Rowr.
Tonight is date #2 with the Nerve guy. If he still likes me tomorrow, he gets a better blog nickname and an invitation to my birthday party.
* * * * * *
Party Newz
Reserved a keg but spent the rest of my booze budget on my beeyooteefull gown. So if you're coming, you best be BRINGIN ZEE BOOZE. And yes, office pool peeps, I will have the Michigan St v. N Carolina game on at least one of my TVs. You big nerds.
* * * * * *
I ♥ the GOP
HA HA HA HA HA HA.
But Missouri Senator John Danforth (R) is my new boyfriend.

Birthday Present Idea #4

Like the Candy G-String, it's made of around 330 fruit-flavoured candy pieces, and at just 40 calories, this sweet and sexy Candy Bra is the perfect after dinner pudding for weight watchers - or people who think underwear should be good enough to eat.

And for the love of god, get an extra for poor Andie MacDowell.

Birthday Present Idea #3

Seriously, this is so fucked up I don't even know what to say:



Once I found this squirrel in my backyard. He'd gotten blown out of a tree during a windstorm, and his back was broken. Now, I'm no fan of squirrels - they're rats with a better wardrobe - but the poor thing was panicky and panting and sort of twitching his front paws around. I don't know how long he'd been there, but clearly he was dying. Leaving him to suffer for another hour or two was out of the question, so I ran upstairs and begged one of the cops to, um, "handle it." He found a two-by-four and I hid in the house. I couldn't watch but I heard the awful thuds, and when the cop came back in I thought we both might throw up. It was horrible.

So why again is this seal hunt necessary? It brings income to poorish coastal areas, and culls the herd, more cod for us, blah blah blah. Fine. But really?

Not get all PETA on you, but maybe think about throwing a few bucks to the U.S. Humane Society, if you can afford it. Or get warm fuzzies in more than one way by buying some cute mittens from their shop:


Also, Michigan Senator Carl Levin (who totally rocks) needs a co-sponsor for Senate Resolution 33 condemning Canada's seal hunt. Call or write your Senators and tell them to get their asses in gear. They work for YOU, dammit. You can find your Senator's contact information here.

Up Next: The Evils of Veal, and Telemarketing - Tool of the Devil

turn that frown... oh, screw it.

Sometimes I Hate a Lot of Things

I hate my frankenstein Mac, OS 9 and Internet Explorer 5.1. Dude. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET SOME SOME DECENT EQUIPMENT FOR ME TO PRETEND TO WORK ON?

I hate that there was never mud wrestling when I was in the Army. I only got in trouble for stupid stuff.

I hate reporters who keep phrasing it as "saving the life of" Terri Schiavo. This ain't Fox, and you ain't getting paid for your opinion, Sparky.

I hate Bill Frist. For so many reasons.

Everytime a newscaster mentions the Michael Jackson trial, God kills a kitten.

I hate that it's 70 degrees outside, I'm stuck in my windowless office, and tomorrow will be craptastic.

Dear Blogger:
You are a worthless piece of shite. I would like a full refund immediately.
Hate you,
Tequila Red

Occasionally I Love Stuff

I love TV on Tuesday, namely Scrubs and The Office. It's come to my attention that certain BBC purists have written off the Americanized Office because they "already know all the punchlines to all the jokes." No worries, my little darlings, that was only the case in the pilot, and only at NBC's insistence. From here on out, it's all original all the time. Steve Carell told me so, and he would never lie.

Tequila Red is always right.

I love whoever buys me these for my birthday. I always say you can never have too many pairs of Victorian knickers.


I love almost every song on this CD.

I love Terri Schiavo's blog.

I love how much ass my birthday party is going to kick. Have you heard that I'm having a birthday party? I am, you know. 30!

I love that my Grandma is doing better.

I love my job. Wait, no I don't. But I still have to go do it now. Buh-bye.

All Hopped Up

On Sunday night, our little urban tribe gathered at the House of Tequila for a new + improved version of the standard Easter family dinner.

Cramming 6 people (including Aretha Franklin) into my smallish kitchen led to some seriously creative, by the seat of yer pants cooking. Featured were such traditional Easter favorites as manicotti, mashed sweet potaters, and freestyle soy meatloaf. Copious amounts of wine were guzzled, someone taught the kids how to play a nifty new card game, Dylan learned that a Philosophy major is a hot ticket to becoming someone's secretary, and then the adults retired to the back porch to smoke cigarettes and swap dating horror stories. For the record, "You have the face of the body of a porn star" and "I hope your cat doesn't get euthanized" are not good pick up lines. Nor is anything involving Star Trek.

Best Phone Message of the Weekend
"Hello? Hi, it's me. Hi! I'm just calling to say... I'm just calling to tell you that I love you. I love you! I do! You're my best friend! You're my B-F-F. We're best friends! Hang on a second- JUST A MINUTE I'M ON THE PHONE! Yeah, so, um, we're over at the bar, havin' a little drinkie. Drinking, because that's what we do. You should- wait, hang on a sec- OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST ORDER ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS I HAD LAST TIME. God. Okay, um ... that's all. Love you! Hee. Hee hee. HA HA HA H-" *click*

But I Can't Hold It!
On my way to the train Friday, I walked by this:

It was just hanging out on the corner, waiting for the light to change, I guess. No clues on where it came from but someone apparently has exceptional aim.

Bride and Prejudice
I loved this movie so much I wanted to pack my bags and move into it. Charming! Campy! Hilarious! Touching! And so darn gorgeous I could just eat it. Haven't been this smitten with a film since Amelie. You all* must watch it immediately. Rating:

*Disclaimer: Dudes, it's kind of a girly movie so if you choose to wait for the Netflix, that is acceptable.

Splat

Hey, look who I ran into this morning.

Happy Easter, boys and girls! And always remember, somebunny loves you:



* * *A special Easter song by Deerhoof* * *

You Learn Something Every Other Day

Yesterday's Life Lessons in review:

• Sometimes a quiet night out with the chicas rocks the socks off a date.

• Your dirty little secrets are never as bad as you thought, THANK THE BABY JEEZUS.

• If I had to launder $105,000, I would buy Pedro's House with it. Sweet!

• Smoking an entire pack of cigarettes is not an activity I care to repeat.

• That one guy is an even bigger jag than I already thought, which, how is that even possible? The tooliest tool who ever tooled, I tell you.

• I am too old and rickety to stay out until 2AM on a school night.

• Scotland has moved into the #1 spot on The List Of Places I Need To Bring My Ass.

• You can know someone for 4 hours and feel like you've known them 30 years.

• BBC it ain't, but the new version of The Office did get some laughs last night. Whatever, snobs. Don't hate - APPRECIATE.

• If he breaks up with you over that, he wasn't worth dating in the first place.

• My birthday party is going to kick so much ass.

Today's Learning: Already Done

• Bloody Marys = Sweet Nectar of Life
• "Butt plug" is the right answer to any question.
• Stupid effing winter is NEVER GOING TO END.



Thank the Sweet Sweet Lord It's Freitag
Ben Folds - "Bitches Ain't Shit"
"A Stare Like Yours" - The Thermals
"A New Friend" - The Good Life
Ben Kweller - "BK Baby"
"Hampers are Hideouts" -Aneuretical
Modest Mouse - "Broke"

Liquid Lunch

Went to lunch with the CEO today. A leeeeeetle bit drunk right now. Also, may have talked a certain amount of crap about co-workers. (Hi co-workers!). Considering closing door and taking nap. Pls advise.

Never Go To Walgreens On Thursday

I stopped at Wallys this morning for smokes (9 days and counting!), and the guy ahead of me in line was feeling chatty. He flashed me a big grin.
CRAZY DUDE: Hey Red!
ME: Hi.
CRAZY DUDE: You have beautiful red hair.
ME: Thanks.
CRAZY DUDE: I used to have red hair. Straight people thought I was a gay, the gays thought I was straight. It was a mess.
ME: Um...
CRAZY DUDE: Hey, did you see that guy who just left? We were in jail together.
ME: ...
CRAZY DUDE: He didn't say nothin' though because the last time I saw him I shoved a door handle about halfway up his ass.
THE CASHIER AND I LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
CRAZY DUDE: I was like, "Don't you even think I'm gay, ya punk!"
ME: Well.
CRAZY DUDE: Man. The gays.
HE TAKES USED TOOTHPASTE AND DEODORANT FROM HIS POCKET AND SETS THEM ON THE COUNTER.
CRAZY DUDE: I gotta go to court now. Got a date with the goddamn judge. Goddamn judges, man.
ME [CONCENTRATING ON A PACKAGE OF GUM]: Uh-huh.
CRAZY DUDE: You sure have pretty hair. Bye bye now.
CRAZY DUDE LEAVES.
CASHIER: Good lord. I don't know what it is about Thursday. We get the weirdest freaks in here on Thursday.
ME: Yeah. So is there a back exit in this joint or what?
CASHIER: The manager will walk you out.
ME: God, I've got to quit smoking.

The Parolee Playlist
Mark Kozalek - "If You Want Blood"
"Down By the Water" - PJ Harvey
Eels - "Your Lucky Day In Hell"
"Milk Man" - Deerhoof
Radiohead live at Coachella "Creep"
Mountain Goats - "Lions Teeth"

A Hex on the Ex

Anybody know voodoo?

L7 - "Shitlist"

Good and Bad

Good: Solid family time this weekend due to my sister's Ginormous Baby Shower. Got to hang with the sibs, rub two pregnant bellies, and play with three adorable pups.

Bad: Andrea is the only one who kicked in for the fancy-schmancy baby stoller that was SUPPOSED to be a gift from all of us. My credit card weeps.

Good: I found a killer vintage cocktail dress for the big Retro birthday bash. It's so pretty I want to marry it and have its foufy babies.

Bad: The price tag. Ow.

Very Good: My Nerve date on Sunday was far better than those things have any right to be. The boy is crazy smart, subversively funny, and day-um sexy. Another date would definitely be in order. (J - call me!)

Kinda Bad: I sort of dated his roommate last fall. But it was only 3 casual dates with NO kissing, so it totally doesn't count. Right?
* * * * * *
The Really Really Bad: My grandma is sick. She's suffered heart problems for the past 14 years, and on Thursday she had a heart attack. It doesn't look good - the doctors are telling us there's nothing else they can do. I sat with her for a couple of hours on Sunday, and she had some lucid moments where she was her sassy self, but she's on so much morphine those moments are rare. About halfway home, it hit me that I might never see her again. I pulled into a rest stop and just bawled. Then I went in and got a filet of fish sandwich, because they smelled delicious. Even when you're sad you still need to eat. The Bible taught me that.

An R&B Danny Boy

Sassy bartender and wicked good musician Mark put on a terrific show last night at the newly fancified Uncommon Ground. Despite that family chomping on nachos next to me and the shrill laughter of Oblivious Trixie ringing in my ears, the music was quietly powerful and heartfelt. That man has an amazing voice. Bonus points for the lovesick girl who mouthed the words to every song. Unless she's his girlfriend.
Grade:

Happy Weekend!
Tonight: Brew & View
Saturday: Baby shower in Michigan
Sunday: 1st (and possibly last) Nerve date
Wish me luck, kids.

Kiss Me, I Look Irish

After two whole seconds of deliberation, my peeps have decided to avoid the manic drunken gropefest of the Chicago bar scene tonight and go to see a friend's show at Uncommon Ground instead. Things that will not be consumed tonight include: green beer, Irish whiskey, and beef, corned or otherwise.

What I will not be wearing.

Signs of the Apocalypse
Oh my lord. G. Dub did something I actually agree with?! What the?
Oh, wait, now there's the prezzie I know and loathe.


Selfish fucking wildlife, hogging all the good oil.


Beat it, chump.

Older, Wiser, Hotter
Happy Birthday, Mom!

Dad: Damn, y'all, my woman be fiiiiine.

Happy Birthday, Vince!

The Original Hot Married Boyfriend (left) croons a love song to the redhead who got away.

The Tequila Red Spirit Awards

All Craigslist Edition

  Best Send-Up Of A Bally's Beefcake
  CTA Rider Most Likely To Get Mugged
On The Way Home Tonight
  The MelindaMiller Award
Hottest Guy Who Just Wants You To Stop Talking And Get Nekkid Already

I love working out. No long replies.
  Stoopid Jokes That Will Still Make You Laugh Every Time

Best Song E-V-E-R

Download this immediately:
Ted Leo covers Kelly Clarkson & the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Since U Been Gone/Maps"

(via Gapers Block, who got it from A Whole Lotta Nothing)

Wendi, how much do you love me right now?

We're Breaking Up

Dear Jane Magazine:

I was wondering if you all could do me an itty bitty little favor. Do you think you could maybe stop sending me that godawful trashrag you call a magazine every fucking month? I do not think this is too much to ask. After all, I haven't sent you guys a check since 2002. And yet month after month, you appear in my mailbox.

I tried to end things with you permanently last year. Remember that letter I sent your subscription department? The one where I listed all the things I hate about you, but in a politeish way? Well, apparently I didn't make myself clear. IT'S OVER BETWEEN US, JANE. Why? Oh I know you didn't just ask why. Do you need it spelled out? You do? All righty then, let's go.

1. You try too hard. Hey, you know what cool people never do? Tell everyone how cool they are. That may be why the hyper-self-aware, hipper-than-thou "oh my god can you believe how INTERESTING we are?!" attitude isn't so much working for you. Breathy little captions like, "Normally we'd never put someone so mainstream in our mag, but Paris is so out she's in!" I mean, seriously. Glamour may be vapid and pointless, but at least they have the dignity to own it.

2. Your "fashion spreads" are puke on a page. I do not care how many times you try to convince me that hotpants and green pumps with a granny sweater will give me "total street cred." I'm still not wearing it. Also not working for me: the underwear-as-pants look, birdnest hair, and barrettes made out of cigarette butts.

3. Feminism is not a dirty word. Call yourself the anti-Cosmo all you want, but you ain't walking the walk, Little Miss Be The Best In Bed. Yes, a magazine can girly and feminist at the same time. Read Bust to see how it's done.

4. Your interviews suck wind. Lindsay Lohan says her boobies are real! Paris Hilton dots her "i"s with little hearts! Wow, that's hard hitting stuff. Watch out, Baba Wawa!

5. Jane Pratt is a legend. But only in her own mind. The rest of us? Are more interested in the gum stuck to the bottom of our shoe. You can only ride Sassy so far, lady.

6. Name dropping is the lowest form of retardation. You "discovered" Chloe Sevigny? I don't think I would take credit for this if I were you. Also, I'd rather slip my feet into the gyno's stirrups every day for a year than page through another "celebrity" "produced" issue. Mischa Barton's Behind the O-sCenes Polaroids are not what I would call "compelling." Or "good." They kind of make my eyeballs bleed.

I could go on and on, but I think you see what I'm getting at here. We've grown apart. This relationship just isn't fulfilling for me anymore. I think we should see other people. Of course, this means you'll have to stop hanging around my house all the time. No more showing up on my doorstep at the first of the month, looking for some attention. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who will love you, but I can't do this anymore. Just ... please. Have some pride. Walk away. And always remember, Jane: it's not me, it's you.

Love,
Tequila Red

The Tiny Little Man Song

Much Less Dirty Than It Sounds

Scene: Last night. 9:45 p.m. My telephone rings.

Tequila Red: Hello?
Sugar: Helloooo!
Tequila Red: Jenna?
Sugar: Hi! I started drinking at 9 AM!
Tequila Red: Oh lord. Where are you?
Sugar: Ish okay. I juss walked into my builDInG!
Tequila Red: Good.
Sugar: Hey. Listen. I juss got fired. HA HA HA HA HA!
Tequila Red: From Mickey's?
Sugar: I was a little late. Also, maybe a little drunk. [MUMBLE MUMBLE] ...kep givin' me Mind Erasers! I kep saying to stop, but....
Tequila Red: Well, I hope you at least made some money off 'em first.
Sugar: Yep! $11! HA HA HA HA HA. (Hiccup!) And then my manager tried to grab my breasteseses. I should totally sue them. Don't you think I should sue them? I said, "I should totally sue yer asses!"
Tequila Red: He was grabbing at your girls? Jerk.
Sugar: He's a tiny little man!
Tequila Red: Ha.
Sugar: Really! Tiny! Teeeeny tiny!
Tequila Red: Hee hee.
Sugar: Tineeeey litttttlee maaaaan. It's a song! Let's sing it!
Tequila Red: Maybe you should go to bed.
Sugar: Oh. Okay. You think?
Tequila Red: Yep. Drink some water first.
Sugar: Okay. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Bed, water. Hey, tellwendiisaidheyandigotfiredandigotadrinkingtickettoday. Butitwasfunanywaybye.
Tequila Red: All right, I'll see-
*click*
Tequila Red: I sure hope she's not running a bath right now.
Wendi: Does it even really matter?

Sloppy Seconds

The Nerve Hottypants (TM Millty) is still playing hard to get (i.e. not emailing me, jerk) but the sheer number of messages in my inbox is itself quite a lovely little ego boost. There are a couple of strong contenders, including the World's Sauciest Trombone Player, but my favorite is - get this - deathly allergic to cats. Reason #9865 I hate you, Dewey. Way to ruin my entire life.
* * * * * *
2 Degrees of Renee Zellweger
Wendi brought back a couple of those trashy celeb Star-type magazines that make excellent plane material, and I was flipping through one last night when I saw that Renee Zellweger is now dating Damien Rice. This very nearly made me weep. I've made out with someone who made out with Renee Zellweger? Oh the shame.

A couple of summers ago Damien played Chicago for the first time. I was hanging out at Schuba's before the show, eating mac & cheese like it was my job, when I noticed this guy at the end of the bar watching me. He smiled. I smiled. I had no idea who he was until I overheard him say something to the bartender and caught the Irish accent. After the show, we closed down the bar, then hung out on the bus with the rest of the band. Damien tried to convince me to go on to Minneapolis with them, and it is one of the great irritations of my life that I said no. What was I thinking? Stupid crap about kids and responsibilities and cars getting towed, that's what. The groupie route would have been so much more fab. Now Bridget Freaking Jones has my man? There is no justice in the world.


Renee gets her Tequila Red hate on.

* * * * * *
Okay, I have to go write a headline for a giveaway that includes pens, razors and bowling. Imagine the possibilities, won't you? My job is the funnest!

Song of the Day
Damien's band covering "Seven Nation Army".

Chemistry Not Included

With more than a little trepidation, I reactivated my Nerve profile a few days ago. I tried the whole Nerve thing once, awhile back, and the results? Were not encouraging. I spent way more time writing "thanks but no" emails than "come here hotstuff" emails (because I'm a sucker and can't ignore people who tell me I'm bee-yoo-tee-full). The one or two dates I actually went on were entirely unmemorable. In the literal sense. Overall: lame. No buzz, as Uncle Grambo would say.

So why even bother, you ask? This is why. Oh my stars and garters, that boy is adorable. Look, he's brushing his teeth! How quirky! And only slightly contrived! Man, I want to lick his face. Boyfriend needs to email me, like yesterday, because I am one Chad away from chucking the whole thing.

[Yes, I understand that I could just buy some stupid credits and email him, but I don't want to and you can't make me. Who's running this show anyway? You're so bossy. God.]


Colin says: "Drop those zeros and get with a hero, baby."

Crap.

Client hated my idea. Picked stupid idea instead. Hate job. Need ice cream. Hold me.

Oh No They Dion'nt!

What I did last night:
worked late, ate mac & cheese, broke up with John Dynamite, played Xbox, read.

What Wendi & Andrea did last night:



I win.

*Note: W & A wanted you to know that the $250 front-and-center tickets were gifts from high-rollin' sugardaddies and not the result of gross fiscal irresponsibility or unforgivably bad taste. Yeah yeah, whatever.

Girl On Girl

This show is so incredibly awesome it makes me want to slap someone. No, I know. The WB. But trust me on this.



Last night they had to do a lesbian love scene (read: blatant ratings ploy) and all these chicks were like, "Oh my GAWD, I have to kiss a GIRL? But, like, my PARENTS are watching! I'll go to hell! By the way, I'm totally a virgin!"

Also, they had to lap dance a teddy bear. This one girl rolled around with it in her underwear and then cried a lot. I'm telling you, Best. Show. On. TV. The WB is running the first two episodes again on Thursday night. TiVo some shit.

Go Michelynne! You're homeless and spunky! Kick some pretty girl ass!

Those Brrrats

Temperature in Chicago: 28°F
Temperature in Las Vegas: 73°F

Wendi & Andrea: 1
Tequila Red: 0

Actually, No, I Was Right

Killer project at work for the next few days, so blog updates will be brief and sporadic and to some degree incoherent until Thursday. But here are a couple of things you should know:

• Good times all around at the Free Martha Party - check Jenna and Michelle's blogs for further coverage and possibly pictures of sassy folk in aprons.

• John Dynamite is SO OUT. He was a bit handsy and a lot boring at the party, and after a unanimous vote, his boyfriendship has been revoked. I have more chemistry with my cousin, people.

• Any rumours you might hear about me drunkenly lying down on the sidewalks of downtown Chicago are completely false. Also, those pictures were totally Photoshopped.

• Never ever under any circumstances drink 6 giant margaritas on an empty stomach. I believe this falls under the category of "duh, dumbass."

• You might have to do some damage control when your friends tell your co-workers that you call them bitches.

• Those friends get a free pass, however, when they take you home instead of to the bar you insist on visiting after you've had 6 giant margaritas.

• Drunk-dialing the CEO of your company is acceptable if you're cute.

• Dear Fredbeck and Justin: What the fuck, No Shows? So jizz.     -TR

• Two excellent cover songs worth adding to your iTunes are "She's Got Everything" - the Kinks ala the Old 97's (via Catherine's Pita) - and Nada Surf doing the old OMD song, "If You Leave."

Birthday Gift Ideas

Periodically I will be offering helpful suggestions to guide my friends on the search for the perfect birthday present. Today's category: collectibles.


Illegal tackle


"Now grip the shaft..."


Messiah in the Middle


Jesus loves the little children, but not enough to let them win.
Collect them all!
* * * * * *
The Sweet Freedom Mix
"For Martha" The Pumpkins
Ataris, "How I Spent My Summer Vacation"
Postal Service - "This Place is a Prison"
"No One's More Happy Than You (live)" - Clem Snide
Fountains of Wayne - "Bright Future In Sales"

I Was Wrong, You Were Right

God, I hate it when that happens.

So, fine, yes, John Dynamite did in fact get a bum rap last time around. On our dinner date last night, he was sweet and charming and utterly adorable, and the whole thing was much less awkward. He seems to like me, despite my best efforts to sabotage everything by telling all my most unflattering stories. He laughs at my jokes and is generous with the compliments. It's probably not the beginning of a Great Romance or anything - there's still an element of the platonic there, which can present a problem when one wants to make with the smoochies - but more dates seem likely.

Actually, some of you might meet him on Saturday if you come to the Free Martha party Wendi and I are throwing at my casa. Crafting projects like Porno Macaroni Art (TM Jenna) and Ghetto Fabulous Frames will be featured, along with an assortment of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. Be a doll and RSVP if you plan on attending.

* * * * * *
Wens, here are the two ES songs we talked about at the show last night:
"Pictures of Me" & "Angeles".

I have to go work now. Later taters.

Cheap or Free Things To Do Tonight

1. Navel-Gaze
Local band Paper Tree is doing an Elliott Smith tribute at the Tonic Room (via the always excellent Gapers Block). Starts at 10. Free.
Entertainment Potential:

2. Throw a Hissyfit
There's a public meeting about the moronic Brown Line expansion plan at Lane Tech High School. Expect a fair amount of yelling, vague threats, and possibly a thrown chair or two. Starts at 7. Free.
Entertainment Potential:

3. Rawk Out
Chicago band with big buzz The Stranger plays with two other random bands at the Bottom Lounge. $8, starts at 8.
Entertainment Potential:

4. Give Someone One More Chance to Impress You, But Seriously, That's It
Dinner and a drink at Lennox Lounge with John Dynamite is confirmed for 7:30. Not free.
Entertainment Potential:

Elliott Smith Weighs In:
"No Confidence Man"
"Passing Feeling"
"See You Later"
* * * * * *
Yay! My birthday present to myself came today:

Yeah yeah, we'll see who's laughing when I live to be a hundred and thirty.